One time, in the middle of a painful breakup, my coach told me that one day, even moments like these would seem wondrous. I sort of knew what he meant…but mostly I wanted to tell him to shove it.
My heart was hurting and I didn’t want to think about anything but that. I was quite happy in the murky muckety-muck of my post-break up mood, thank you very much. But even in the midst of my tears and wondering how I was going to face the day on Monday I could see some wondrous things emerging right before my eyes. My sister was uber-supportive…not that she hadn’t been before, but this was in a new & lovely way.
When my friend Eric texted to see how I was dealing with the break up. When I responded with “I could use a hug. And a sandwich,” he showed up with both.
I knew I was surrounded by love…but it took losing love to find that out. To see I WAS surrounded by love that I hadn’t recognized before…and to really, REALLY get it. I told my coach he was right…everything (even break-ups) can be wondrous if we choose to see them that way.
This memory came flooding back to me when one of my very best penny finders, the fabulous Ms. Ellie, sent me the following e-mail message a few weeks ago.
Sometimes we are able to find our way out of the muck & into the wonder when a friend brings us a sandwich (and a hug). Other times, it’s a penny (or even a DIME) that reminds us, “Yeah…there is magic in my life…and I’m going to let it in!”
Many thanks to Ellie for agreeing to share this story as it is personal & full of raw emotion. But that’s just the kind of girl she is. And probably why she finds so many pennies…she’s open to the magic. May her willingness to share her story be the magic that helps you see the wonder in your own life!!
A Note from Ellie:
WOW! Have I had a crazy few weeks?! Please bear with me as I recount the longest penny story I’ve ever told.
It all started at the end of January. I met a guy online and we went out…it went really well! We were seeing each other every few days for a couple of weeks. It was GREAT! Not a way I’ve ever dated before…but it was so much FUN! There were voices in my head saying “Stop!” And then there were voices saying, “Go! Go! Go!” I went.
It was unbelievable! I allowed myself to let go and I let someone in for the first time.
Fast forward to last night. We had a date but things were definitely weird. I just felt it. I was so uncomfortable at dinner. I couldn’t figure it out (or I didn’t want to). When we left the pub he said the dreaded words…”we need to talk.”
And then it happened. He broke up with me.
I wasn’t even sure it was a “break up” since we’d only known each other for 19 days (yes I counted among the tears last night). He said he couldn’t handle a relationship right now. I yelled a little…tried to question him a bit (I just didn’t see this coming). But that was that. It was over.
I went home and freaked out accordingly. I’d never had any one break up with me before. Mostly because I’d never allowed myself to get into a situation where someone had the option of breaking up with me. Big step, big life moment. But it really hurts!
I reached out to a good friend and unfortunately, she caught the brunt of my heartache. She let me scream to her over the phone and sometimes she screamed right back. Very cathartic. I felt a whole jumble of emotions…embarrassment, foolishness, and a bit of idiocy. Eventually my friend told me to shut up and realize what this experience did for me and what it means. Everything happens for a reason!
Anyway, this morning I woke up for another crying session around 5AM. At that moment, I decided not to go to work today.
I decided to have a day for ME. My heart was hurting and I needed time to let it heal.
After bumming around a bit, I decided it was time for breakfast. I jogged my mind (and my appetite) to figure out what I wanted. Then it hit me…French Toast with caramelized bananas & strawberries.
And I knew just the place.
Next I needed to find a friend. I could have gone alone, but I knew I needed some good human interaction. I signed into g-mail and saw my friend Jason online. Perfect. He’s an old high school friend and even though we don’t hang out one-on-one much anymore, we’ve always been close. I checked to see if he was available and he was, so we made a plan to meet for breakfast.
I think this breakfast ranks in my top three of all time. Good food for sure…but even better was the AMAZING conversation and insights. It was just what I needed.
We were still talking up a storm when we finished breakfast so we decided to go for a walk. I check my parking meter and see I have 31 minutes…perfect time for a nice walk around the Square.
We set off and while we were walking and talking I found two pennies! Then I found two more! I told Jason all about The Penny Project and you and the ½-dollar & $7.00 I’d found already in 2011. He loved it! And it fit right into what we’d been talking about at breakfast. Growing, learning, observing, manifesting…amazing. And then I found some more pennies. And he found a DIME! We kept walking and talking and then…I found a DIME!
By the time we got back to his car, we’d found 29 cents (2 dimes & 9 pennies) between the two of us. By the time I got back to my car, I’d found two more pennies. 31 cents in a 31 minute walk around Somerville. It was the greatest penny find I have ever experienced. It was TRULY magical. MAGICAL! You are magical and the work you are doing is so important.
By the way…Jason is hooked! So enthused about the whole project! I’m going to send him your website and he is going to keep finding pennies! I’ll send you his dime with my next stash!